


Disillusion

by Kadira



Category: Forever Knight
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-08
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2017-12-04 16:44:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/712886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kadira/pseuds/Kadira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Be careful what you wish for - after 'Last Knight', Nick is mortal again and gets the chance to live a normal life with the woman he loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disillusion

**Author's Note:**

> We are closing in on my really ancient stories. This one was written 2000, which should explain a few things. I still like the story, though, which is the reason you can find it here now.

**Toronto, Raven, 17th February 1996**  
  
"Why, LaCroix? Why didn't you prevent it? You were the one who always said that he would belong to us; that he would need us. And now you simply let him go? Without doing anything?"  
  
For a long time LaCroix only looked silently at his furious former daughter while at the same time he tried to form a clear thought despite the storm of emotions that were boiling with him. "And what should I have done, ma chere? How should I have prevented it?"  
  
"You should never have let him go in the first place. It was a mistake. You could have brought him across again. You did it once. Why not now? Don't you care anymore? Maybe all your words, all your promises were nothing but empty words?"  
  
"Stop this nonsense, Janette," LaCroix demanded in a dangerously calm voice, before he, with shaking hands, put the wine glass back on the table and stood up to pace around the room. His emotions were turbid, moving in all directions at once.  
  
Unimaginable grief and burning rage were fighting within him for control. "You know exactly that this isn't true. May I remind you that I was the one that always attempted to hold us together? You even helped Nicholas to escape from me. And may I remember you also, that you were the one, who left at other times? So don't tell me anything about family, or caring."  
  
Finally the ancient vampire stopped walking around and came to hold in front of a shelf where a bottle of blood had caught his attention. Not his usual, but cow's blood. A last remain of his difficult son who'd chosen mortality before everything else. Before his true nature; before a life within the community and his family, and, even more important and painful - who chose a mere mortal before him! For a moment LaCroix closed his eyes when the unbidden pictures of their last moments together replayed in his mind like a nightmarish movie.  
  
 _Silently, LaCroix watched his son who kneeled beside the still body of his Doctor friend. Motionless yet not dead she laid in his arms. Like a low drumbeat from far away her heartbeat reached his ears. Then, with utterly shock, he realized that it was joined by a second, more regular one. With a whispered "Nicholas," he listened inside and detected with a sudden and terrible coldness that he was alone. The bound that had connected them for centuries was no longer. As if in trance he let the stake, which he still held in his hand, fall to the ground. As if it would be a mantra, or the key to escape this terrible nightmare, he said over and over, "No! It can't be." Slowly, without taking his eyes away from the picture in front of him, without losing the eye contact to Nicholas who was watching him with astonishment, he retreated step for step until he stood with his back to the wall.  
  
Questioningly, blue eyes bored into him, expecting an answer without actually asking something. LaCroix couldn't speak; he was shocked. But even so he wouldn't have known what to say. The ancient vampire's mind was blank. The recent development prevented him from being able to form a coherent thought. And so, not knowing what else to do, he gave into his first urge and bolted. Not caring for the deadly sun, LaCroix fled from the new-born mortal and his friend. Ran away from the nightmare that had hunted his dreams for centuries and now had become cruel reality. Nicholas de Brabant, Crusader, his favorite child, longtime companion and sometimes lover was no longer. A mortal had stepped in his place._  
  
Unimaginable, fiery pain swept through every fiber of his body by these memories. In a sudden rage, born out of helplessness and pain, he cleared the shelf with one movement of his hand. With a loud bang the bottle landed on the floor and shattered into countless pieces. For a moment he observed how the blood flowed over the floor and towards a thick white carpet where it was leisurely soaked up. Slowly, he finally turned around to face the other vampire who stood in the door-frame. Features even paler than normally and her normally clear eyes clouded with grief, Janette watched him.  
  
"I should better take my leave. It wasn't a good idea to come here," she finally broke the crushing silence that had settled in the room and had threatened to absorb them.  
  
"Janette, I am sorry. I didn't ... it is ... so much has happened during the last few days, so many changes, and not for the best." He couldn't bear the thought of losing her also. Not again. And not after he just lost Nicholas. He felt an intense helplessness, a feeling he hadn't felt so strong anymore in a long, long time. It was as if his world would break apart. Bit by bit. And he, the strong, powerful Roman General, the ancient vampire, was unable to prevent it.  
  
"I still love him, you know? Despite everything that has happened. This makes it so difficult for me to accept that he chose a mere mortal life before a life with me, with us ...," Janette's voice was thick with emotions. Through their weak link radiated a sorrow that almost matched his own.  
  
"I know ma chere. I don't understand it also. But I cannot bring him back. He would hate me even more, if I were to rob him out of this life ... and I don't think, that I could deal with that ... Let him have his way, and maybe one day ...," a weak comfort for they both knew only too well how long Nicholas had wished for this life and how unlikely it was that he would ever get tired of it and return to them willingly. But this illusion, this `maybe scenario' was better than nothing. It was a small light in the darkness that surrounded them, an anchor in the loneliness that threatened to absorb them. Something that made the events slightly easier to endure, and maybe the only thing that allowed them to go on.  
  
"The enforcers, they must know about Nicola ... Will they ...?"  
  
"That I would never allow! I dealt with them. They will not go after him as long as he and Dr. Lambert will not endanger the community. But now enough of this! Nicholas has made his choice and so should we." LaCroix couldn't remember a time that it had ever been so difficult or painfully to voice something. Deciding what to do next ... A cold shiver ran down his spine and his eyes burnt with tears that he hadn't shed when he'd discovered that he'd really lost Nicholas, nor could he let them flow now.  
  
He'd never thought about a possible future without Nicholas. For over eight hundred years the Crusader had been a part of their little family, had given the ancient vampire a purpose in his eternal life, illuminated the darkness that surrounded him. Sadly in the last century he'd had to pursue Nicholas around the world on his foolish quest for mortality. But even during this time, when his son had tried to search for a way out, when their relationship had gotten more and more complicated, he knew that Nicholas would always be there. And with this knowledge LaCroix also had had the hope that, one day, Nicholas would give up his ridiculous search for mortality and return completely to his side.  
  
A comfort that he now no longer had. Nicholas had reached his goal. He had gained what LaCroix never thought possible and with this had finally left them; had left him behind and moved on alone. A cold hand on his shoulder interrupted his thoughts and brought him back to the here and now. With a brief shake of his head he tried to relegated the painful welter of thoughts and emotions into the deepest corner of his mind before he focused his attention at his former daughter, "I'm leaving, I need a change of location, and I thought about Paris. It's long ago that I've been there. May I hope for the pleasure of your company? "  
  
  
 **Spain, Barcelona, 23rd November 1996**  
  
Admiringly, Nick watched the reflection of the sunlight in the blue water of the sea. Like small diamonds it glittered in the sunlight. It was a view, that, even after all the months as a mortal, never ceased to amaze him. During the summertime he'd spent every free hour sitting at the shore, enjoying the sun and observing his surroundings. It was something he never tired of. Now, during the autumn, it was less crowded and during the week sometimes even empty. The few stalls of the small artist-market were desolated save for the sellers. And even the big shopping center, which in the night would magically change to a huge disco, was now almost completely deserted.  
  
A cool wind came up and Nick shivered. Slowly he came to his feet and looked into the sky. Gray clouds gathered there and covered the sun. A distant rumble presaged a not too far away storm. It was the right posture for his mood. The weather reflected his low spirit and the deserted dwelling his loneliness. And lonely Nick felt. It didn't matter were he was or with whom he was together, he always felt strangely detached from everything. It was as if he was merely an observer put in a place with no real connection to his surroundings. In the school with his colleagues it was the same like home. Not even Natalie seemed to be able to lift his spirits. Maybe it was like Nat had said only a few weeks earlier; the first euphoria was over and the daily routine had taken over their life. Nothing unusual. Every mortal had these up and downs in their life. At least that was what the observation of his friends and far away memories told him. But that it was normal didn't mean he had to like it!  
  
A harsh lightening crack just above him, followed by a cloudburst interrupted Nick's thoughts. With a glance at his watch he headed towards the Rambla and the famous Plaça Reial where he was supposed to meet Nat - an hour earlier. Over his gloomy musings he had completely forgotten the time. Silently cursing himself, he finally reached his destination, turned right into the Plaça and headed towards the small, almost inconspicuous cafe `Glaciar'.  
  
Dripping wet and shivering cold, Nick went to the little table in the corner, which they'd declared as their own already by their first visit here. Natalie's first angry glance lightened up with a smile when he leaned over the table to press a kiss on her lips.  
  
"Where have you been? I was worried."  
  
"I'm sorry, I forgot the time. I was down by the harbor when the storm surprised me. How was your day?" Nick changed the subject.  
  
"Nothing in particular," came the evasive answer. But even so Nick could see that not everything was well. Natalie was not really satisfied with her job as a researcher. Not even its good working environment could compensate for the boredom the work brought with it. It had been one thing for her to search for a cure for him, but it was completely different, to spend the whole day in a lab in the vain attempt to find medications for the various diseases mankind suffered from.  
  
A wave of guilt washed over Nick. It was all his fault. If not for him and his surprising healing, she wouldn't have had to leave Toronto, and so her job, her friends, her whole life behind. Compassionately, he took her hand and pressed a brief kiss on the palm. Life had become very difficult during the last months - for both of them. Nick's struggles to cope with the various problems and trouble a mortal life brought with it, jobs that didn't fulfill them, and above all the fear that maybe one day the Enforcers could turn up and take everything from them ... But even so he couldn't suppress the fear that somehow on the way everything had gone wrong. Was this what he'd wished for when he searched countless nights for a cure?  
  
Certainly, he loved Natalie, but had it been worth it to destroy both of their life's on the way to his goal? Was it worth the price to live a life in hiding, constantly surrounded by the fear that one day they'd be found and then have to pay for it? For a life far away from everything they knew and loved? Nick wasn't so sure about it anymore. Months ago he would have said yes, without hesitation. But seeing now how everything he once hoped and wished for was going up in smoke; how his relationship to Nat, the woman he thought he would love, suffered under their mutual dissatisfaction and under the strain daily life brought with it, he wasn't so sure anymore.  
  
The approaching waitress saved Nick for more gloomy thoughts. "Dos Café con leche, por favor," he heard Natalie's order, if only from far away for his attention was captured by the sunlight that slowly broke through the dark sky and dipped the place and everything on it into a warm orange light. It was a wonderful view. An involuntary sigh escaped Nick.  
  
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"  
  
Nick nodded. "It is something I never thought I'd ever see again ... " An unspoken `but' hung in the air between them, impossible to ignore. So also for Natalie whose eyes bored into him.  
  
"What's wrong Nick?"  
  
"Nothing." Nick realized that his answer came too rashly, that it wasn't really plausible, yet he hoped that it would satisfy Natalie for the moment. At least long enough for him to figured out what was really bothering him.  
  
  
 **Spain, Barcelona, 17th December 1996**  
  
Relieved, Nick left the restaurant and headed towards his car, which he'd parked at the other side of the street. With burning eyes, thanks to too much cigarette smoke, he fumbled with the key until he finally managed to open the door and slipped into the car. Gratefully, he closed his eyes after the door slam shut, blocking out the noise of the never sleeping city. His head ached from the constant talk that had surrounded him at the Christmas party this evening. For Nick's taste too shrill and too loud, his colleagues had celebrated the upcoming holidays. Nick couldn't remember when he last felt so damned terrible. Too much food and wine didn't agree with his stomach and he felt a wave of nausea flooding through him. His headache and a complete exhaustion, the result of the lack of sleep, did nothing to improve his mood. Disgusted, Nick threw one last gaze towards the restaurant with the name `Los Immortals' (the irony of the name wasn't lost at the former vampire), before he started the motor and was on the street.  
  
Aimlessly, he drove through the town with no idea were to go next. Home wasn't an option. Natalie was skiing with a friend and wouldn't be back for at least another four days. Yet, Nick had to admit that he wasn't very sad about it. During the last months he and Nat had separated more and more from each other. Once their goal was reached and they could finally have what they always wanted - a relationship in all terms - they'd discovered that there wasn't much that they had in common. So even if she would be there, waiting for him, Nick didn't know if he could explain to her the mix of confusing emotions that coursed through him. How could he, if couldn't even interpret it to himself?  
  
A strange mix of sadness and regret came over him when Nick's thoughts involuntary drifted away to ten months ago when he realized what exactly had happened to him. The first euphoria when he discovered that their plan had worked, that his greatest wish had come true, that he had indeed regained mortality.  
  
***  
  
In wonder he'd stared out into the sunrise. A phenomenon that was, although so very normal to mortals that most of them didn't even pay attention to it anymore, a sensation to Nick who had been a creature of the night for so many centuries. It was something he'd never really dared to hope of ever seeing again. He'd been so lost in the beauty of the awakening day, that he first hadn't realized that Nat had recovered from the blood loss and had appeared behind him when he'd felt her hand on his shoulder. Pale, yet with gleaming eyes that had reflected the same surprise and joy he felt, she had watched him. For hours they had stood there, arm in arm, before they were finally able to move, to separate from each other and to decide what to do next. It was out of question to stay in Toronto any longer. The danger was to great that the Enforcers already had knowledge about the events and would arrive with the coming of the night to take the necessary steps to protect the community. So, only a few hours later, they had been on the road, starting a new life together. A life that was supposed to be filled with the love, wonder and happiness Nick always had longed for.  
  
***  
  
A wild car-horn opera brought Nick back to reality and let him realize that he drove so slowly that a large line of cars had formed behind him. In apologize he honked once before he stepped on the gas pedal to regain speed.  
  
When had their hopes and wishes gone up in smoke? What had they done wrong on their way into their future? Questions to which Nick didn't have the answers. And to be truthful, he was tired of seeking someone or something to put the blame on. The result was far more important to him than the reason. He had already thought too many long and lonely hours about it. The fact was that it didn't work anymore between them. Something both of them were aware of, even when they didn't talk about it.  
  
In the beginning, when they had realized the first signs of their separation, they had tried it, but it was pointless. Natalie had felt misunderstood, and Nick hadn't been able to put the strange uneasiness he'd already felt then in words. Something in his life was missing, even if he couldn't explain what is was. It was as if a part of him was lost, as if something of him had vanished with the vampire he had been. He felt lonely and ... incomplete. Yes, that was the right description for the state he was in. Incomplete and disillusioned.  
  
Mortality wasn't so appealing anymore when you were part of it. Mortals weren't so different from vampires. They all did what they had to do to survive and to keep their life. They could be as ruthless as any of his ... no, no longer his kind, Nick corrected himself with a sudden dejection. That was the past. He was now part of a community whose members could be as cold as vampires if it would serve themselves. Life hadn't become easier. On the contrary. He felt cast out from the life he had desired for most of his vampiric existence. The loneliness was even more unbearable than in his former life. There he had willingly chosen the role as an outsider, but hadn't been forced into one like now. And even then, while he was seen as the odd offspring of the respectable Roman General, he was never really alone. Janette always had been there for him and the same for LaCroix. Even when he had rejected them, when he had tried to find a way out of this existence, he could count on them. Until the very last ...  
  
Nick swallowed against a sudden, inexplicable tightness in his throat when he remembered his first morning as a mortal. An odd mix of emotions had surged trough him. Shock, wonder and joy merged with fear and a sadness. The last emotions he hadn't dared to explore further. An unbidden and until now successful repressed image of his master turned up in his mind. The shock with which LaCroix had stared at him. The pain he radiated so strong that Nick could feel it even in absence of their shared bound. And then the end. Without a word, without an explanation or a good-bye his father had vanished, had stepped out of his life.  
  
For good Nick knew now. He'd half expected to see him again. Had thought that he would try to bring him back into the darkness. Many nights he had laid awake, had listened to the dark, fearing that his former master would suddenly jump out of the shadows to take his new life from him. A fear that had faded only slowly. Eventually he had known that LaCroix had really vanished out of his life, that he had granted him his deepest wish, that he wouldn't take the gift, that now had become a curse, away from him. And more; Nick was certain that it was due to LaCroix that the Enforcers hadn't come after them, that they were allowed a life in peace. And although this knowledge, especially in the beginning of his new life, was a relief, it was also combined with grief. A feeling he hadn't dared to acknowledge until lately.  
  
Loud and wild honking interrupted Nick's thoughts. Not one minute too early. Instead of driving on his own lane Nick found himself again in the middle of the street, face to face with a garbage truck. With one hasty motion of the steering-wheel Nick managed to swerve out of the way in time, loosing control of the car and hitting a tree.  
  
His last thoughts before darkness surrounded him were dedicated to his former master and the question if LaCroix could ever forgive him.  
  
  
 **Spain, Barcelona, 23rd December**  
  
"No, Mr. Knight, I cannot and will not approve of your wish. You came out of a car accident with a concussion and a broken hand. Pure luck if you ask me. We still have to do some final test before we can allow you to leave."  
  
"Doctor, I feel well enough to leave. Besides, I really have no time to stay here any longer. I have some important business to take care of as soon as possible," Nick tried to reason with the woman in front of his bed.  
  
Despair arose in him when she shook her head in determination. "Whatever it is, it has too wait. You're not well enough yet for me to release you with a clear conscience. And this is the last we will speak of it!"  
  
"Fine, than I'll have to release myself at my own risk."  
  
Nick could see the doctor rolling her eyes. Patiently, she made one last attempt to keep him in the hospital," Mr. Knight, wait at least until tomorrow. I'll arrange for the tests today, so that you'll be home on Christmas Eve."  
  
Four hours later he was at the airport and waiting for his plane. He was on an emotional roller-coaster. Fragments of the nightmare he had after the accidents lingered in his mind. And although he couldn't recall any details, except that he and LaCroix were part of it, it was the last impetus he'd needed to make up his mind. But with the final decision, with the acceptance of where his place was, where he wanted to be, a new uneasiness, even terror took hold of him. Would he get a last chance? Or would LaCroix reject him as he had rejected everything the ancient vampire had offered him for the last eight centuries? He shivered at the possibility. It couldn't be! Not yet, not after he finally knew what he wanted. He was finished with this life. Mortality hold no more magic, no more temptation for him. There was only one place left for him in the world. The only place where he would finally find peace again, where he could forget about the loneliness and the disappointment of his excursion in the world of daylight was in the arms of his former master, his father and his past lover. And he only could hope that LaCroix could forgive the pain he had caused him with this last station in his quest.  
  
  
 **Toronto, Raven, 26th December**  
  
Nicholas wasn't aware of the many eyes that studied him with open curiosity when he entered the Raven and slowly approached Miklos who, like always in the past, stood behind the bar fulfilling the wishes of the guests. Excitement and terror balanced on a razor wire within him when he took a seat and motioned for Miklos who watched him in obvious amazement.  
  
"Nicholas? That is really unexpected. You look ... uh ... good. But what can I do for you?"  
  
"Where is he?" Nick's nervousness had reached a new level and he saw no sense in wasting even more time in pointless small-talk.  
  
"He left shortly after your ... your departure."  
  
A wave of desperation came over Nick and tried to absorb him. This was a possibility he never had thought about before. For a short moment he closed his eyes, keeping at bay the tears that threatened to overwhelm him. "And he didn't say where he can be reached?"  
  
"I can't tell you more. I'm sorry, Nick. You shouldn't even be here."  
  
Nick took a deep breath before he left his seat, straightened up to his full height and leaned over the bar until he was so close to the vampire, that Nick could feel his warm breath. "Look Miklos, I don't care what you, the Enforcers or anybody else here thinks. I've been traveling for three days now. I'm hurt, I'm tired, I'm hungry and I'm most certainly not in the mood for lame excuses. I simple want to know where I can find LaCroix. So tell me what you know, I'll vanish and we all will be happy."  
  
Anger gleamed in the eyes of the vampire and for a short moment Nick thought he had gambled to high and would now have to pay the price for his foolish bravery. But it was as he had told Miklos: He couldn't care less. The only person he wanted, the only person which sentence he really feared, was not here. And he would be damned if he would let the chance slip away to find him again. Wearily, he sat down again, never breaking eye contact with the man in front of him. "So? Can you tell me now what I want to hear, or do I have to wait here until the Day of Judgment?"  
  
"I've never encountered anyone so stubborn," Miklos finally declared with a slight smile. "And so foolish. Have you forgotten so much during the last few months? The walls here have ears and the news of your arrival could quickly reach the wrong people. They are only waiting for you to make a mistake. They don't like at all what happened. And the only reason that you're still alive is thanks to LaCroix. But he cannot help you a second time ..."  
  
"That's what I've thought. But still, I didn't know where else to go. I need to see him and that as fast as possible," Nick declared, his voice thick with emotions.  
  
Thoughtfully, the vampire watched him, before he took a paper, wrote down something and gave it to Nick. "You should leave as fast as possible. Otherwise I fear you'll not reach your destination."  
  
"I will. And thank you."  
  
"I just hope you know what you're doing. Good luck, Nicholas!" And with a last brief smile the vampire turned away from him.  
  
  
 **France, Paris, 31st December**  
  
His whole body trembled with anticipation as Nick drove onto a small street that was skirted by huge trees and searched for a parking spot. Finally, almost at the end of the road, he found one. With shaking fingers Nick stopped the motor, stepped out of the car and locked the door. And for a long time he simple stood there, didn't dare to move, didn't even know if he could. During the last three days he had lived on a level of excitement that he hadn't thought was possible. The closer he came to his destination the more his nervousness grew.  
  
Constantly, Nick had moved between delectation and absolute terror. Between the hope of returning home, and the peace that went along with this knowledge, and the ignorance of what was to come. He couldn't help himself but imagine the worst possible consequences of this meeting. He was more afraid than any time before in his life. But whatever the outcome would be, he had finally reached the end of his journey. A journey which had started almost eight centuries ago. And with these thoughts Nick took a last deep breath before he set his feet in motion, willing them to place one in front of the other.  
  
Hesitantly, he reached the house baring the number Miklos had written down for him. It was an old manorial house from which two little turrets loomed into the dusky sky. The house was bare of any lights save for a small flickering glow in one of the turrets. Nick's heart beat faster as he, with weak knees, went up the small, uneven stone stair, that lead to the front door. With an immense effort of willpower he willed his finger to the bell and pressed it. The sound echoed loud in the house before silence settled over it again. The waiting was nerve-racking. But just as Nicholas had convinced himself that he made the biggest mistake in his long life and was ready to turn around, to escape from whatever would be in store for him, he heard the soft sound of footsteps. Nicholas held his breath as the door opened and he got the first glimpse of the man whom he thought he would never see again.  
  
Glorious as ever the proud figure stood in the doorframe and watched him with shock. An involuntarily shiver escaped Nick at the intense gaze of the ancient vampire. And then he lost his nerve. Without having said anything he turned around and fled down the steps. But his weakened mortal body thwart him. As if in slow-motion he felt himself losing the ground under his feet and saw the earth coming nearer and nearer. Helpless to prevent it he waited for the collision. But before he could land face down onto the stone, he felt himself caught in an embrace that was almost painful familiar.  
  
As if it was a sheet anchor that could save him for drowning, he clutched to the solid form that carefully carried him inside the house. The closeness he'd thought lost forever in combination with his state of complete physical and emotional exhaustion let him, for the first time in months, lose his self-control. Nick broke down. In incoherent sentences he tried to tell the ancient vampire everything that had taken place since he reached the end of his quest. Piece by piece he laid bare his soul, spoke about his fears, his doubts, his loneliness and finally, taking his heart, he let go of his former master, sat straight down beside him on the couch and said, "I want to return to you. I want you to bring me across again."  
  
A short gasp for breath was the only sign LaCroix had even listened to him. The stillness that followed was terrible. Like a dark cloud it hovered over Nick, ready to come down on him to squash him. Fear threatened to overwhelm the mortal when he didn't get a reaction. Anything, even a spoken rejection, would have been better than the threatening, crushing silence. At least he would know where he stood then ...  
  
 _//and in this case then: Go, search for the next garbage truck and this time make sure that I don't miss it//_  
  
Gloomy thoughts that reflected his current state. For if Nick knew one thing for certain it was that he couldn't go on the way he had during the last ten months. If he was refused by the only person whom he, even if sometimes only in a dark corner of his mind, had always loved, his life had become truly meaningless. Slowly, he turned his head until their eyes meet. LaCroix's features were a mask; his light blue eyes unreadable. In an unspoken plea he lifted his uninjured hand and put it on the shoulder of the older man. A gesture which finally got the attention of the vampire. With a snarl LaCroix shook it off and jumped up from the couch.  
  
With gleaming eyes he stood before Nick. "No, Nicholas. Not again. Tell me how often you've returned to me when one of your `cures' went wrong. How often you've searched for solace in my arms then. And tell me how often you've left me afterwards as soon as a new remedy was in view?" Words that where painfully true Nick knew only to well. Despair arose in him when he couldn't find words that would make the vicious truth sound less cruel. "And all the time, every time, I've been there for you. Have gathered up what was left of you and helped you to heal. And for what? To be pushed away again as soon as something new showed up. For both of our sakes I refuse to do it again."  
  
At a lose for words, Nick stared at the vampire while he tried to think about something that would make LaCroix understand that this time was different, that it wouldn't turn out the same way. That he knew now what he really wanted and needed. But his mind was completely blank. "It's not so. I--," he begun, only to be cut of by a bitter laugh.  
  
"It isn't? Tell me, Nicholas how it is then? You finally got what you've always wished for - a life far away from everything your vampire existence represents. And now you want to tell me that you're tired of it? No, Nicholas I don't believe you. You're upset that your love-affair with your Doctor didn't work out. Maybe you're really disillusioned that mortality isn't as easy as you thought before. But maybe your reason is even simpler. Maybe you feel lonely because the whole planet doesn't revolve around you anymore. But whatever your real reason is, I'm no longer part of it. You've come to the wrong place. Go home and live the short mortal life you've always desired. Or search for someone who is willing to play these games with you. Who maybe is even willing to bring you across once more. Despite the price he'll have to pay for it."  
  
During the speech of his former master an unimaginable coldness had crept through Nick's body and held him now in it's clutches. The pain he had felt earlier was replaced with numbness. He didn't know what to say that could change things. The rejection, the only thing he'd truly feared on his journey down here, was spoken. It was over. And Nick could only blame himself. He had gone to far in his quest, had hurt his father once too often. Slowly, he willed his weakened, shivering body to move and came to his feet. Standing before LaCroix, their eyes locked and for a short moment Nick thought he saw an emotion flickering in the icy-blue eyes. But before he could be sure about it, the Vampire broke the contact and turned his back to him.  
  
"Maybe all of these reasons are true. At least to some extend. But you don't know the most important reason for my being here, for my request." Nick's eyes burned and his voice was barely more than a whisper. "True, mortality wasn't what I expected. True, I could return to Toronto or somewhere else and try to find someone willing to turn me. But that is not what I want. I searched for you and came here because I wanted you to be the one. Because I love you! D-"  
  
"Don't you dare speak about things you don't understand. You don't even know what love is!" The voice was filled with bitterness and pain.  
  
"But I do. Maybe I didn't know how to show it but neither did you. But that was not what I wanted to say. During the last few months I felt incomplete. I didn't know, or maybe better didn't dare to ask myself why, but then I realized it was you that was missing. It was as if a part of me had left with my vampire nature. It was the part of my soul I gave to you. Mortality might have disappointed me, but at least one good thing came out of it, I know now for certain what it is that I really want. You! I want to be brought across again to start anew with you, without the pain and misunderstandings that stood between us in the past."  
  
"So that in one or two centuries you can blame me for giving in? For taking your precious mortality away from you? You tend to forget such small and unimportant things like your own decisions, my dear Nicholas and I've no desire to take the blame for your lapses of memory again. Better to live without you."  
  
 _At least they were talking. Maybe not everything was too late then. Maybe he still had a chance_ , Nick thought . "I can't blame you for not believing my words or my actions, even though it is painful to hear, but you can drink from me and see the truth for yourself. And if you still won't believe me then, you can do one last thing for me and finish what you started eight hundred years ago, for I have no desire to continue my life as it is now." And with these final words, Nick went around the silent vampire until he was again face to face with him.  
  
"You know that I could never kill you!"  
  
"But this you did already with your rejection. I'm only asking for one last favor. For one last chance to prove the truth of my words."  
  
"Your blood means nothing. It will only tell me what you believe. And that is not what I'm in doubt about. I'm just wondering how long you'll be able to deceive yourself before you'll realize that this was not what you wanted and hate me even more for taking away what means so much to you."  
  
"But can't you see? I was never so sure about anything in my life. I got to know both sides. I've lived as a vampire and a mortal. It is an advantage for me that most of us never had. The first time, I didn't know what to expect when I chose eternal life before mortality. But now I do." Nick's voice was strained with emotions and he felt strangely light-headed. The hopelessness of the situation was taking the toll on him.  
  
"I don't understand how it should be different now. The rules and the price for eternal life are the same as they were eight centuries ago."  
  
"That you should let be my problem LaCroix. I'm sure about my decision and I beg you to give me, - us -, a last chance. I want to be at your site. Of course, I can't promise that it will always be peacefully and easy between us, but I think we both have moved on and learned to accept and understand each other better. A good prospect for a new start, if I may say so." Carefully, almost hesitating for fear of another rejection, Nick reached out with his hand and stroke softly over the short cropped hair of the ancient vampire. A gesture which LaCroix either ignored or chose to tolerate. But for the moment Nick was satisfied with what he had accomplished.  
  
"And what about your Doctor friend? How will she take your departure?"  
  
"I don't know. But I don't think it will hit her too hard. As you said so fittingly: It didn't work out between us. Something we both were aware of for some time now. And I'm almost sure that a separation would have been unavoidable. Even under other circumstances. She wasn't there when I left and I couldn't wait any longer. But by now she will know about it. I wrote her a letter. Yet I believe that she knew even before me that it would come to this."  
  
"I see. It seems that you've taken care of everything. Still, I'm not sure if I should be flattered or afraid. This is not like you, Nicholas."  
  
Exhausted, Nick stepped away from the man he loved and turned around to the huge window. "What can I do to make you see reason? To show you that I really mean what I said? But maybe it is not just me. Maybe it is you. Maybe you don't want to give us another chance. Maybe all your feelings, your nice words during the centuries were no more than empty talks ..." Nick's voice cracked under the sudden onslaught of pain that cursed through him by the possibility that for him became suddenly terrible reality. Why else would LaCroix speak to him this way? Tears he couldn't longer hold back were streaming down his face and let his whole body tremble. It was too much. He couldn't take anymore of this. Too far withdrawn in his agony he was unable to form a straight thought. His whole being was now reduced to one primal instinct - to get away from the source of his distress. He turned around. But before he could go anywhere, he found himself trapped between the rough stonewall and LaCroix. Strong arms pulled his trembling body in a possessive embrace.  
  
And whatever Nick's instinct had told him before was now forgotten. His body slackened completely when he let himself fall into the safety his master offered. Instead of words he let his actions speak for him, when, after the flood of tears finally had stopped, he not only returned the embrace but also lifted his head and kissed the other man's face. Dimly, he became aware that he had been lifted off his feed and had been carried into the bedroom of the house. Not willing to let go of the other man, he clung to him for dear life when LaCroix tried to lay him down onto the huge bed. A growl of protest was his reaction when Nick felt himself released from the embrace, but was immediately stilled as soon as he felt the mattress under him shifting due to the additional weight that his master provided when he laid down beside him.  
  
Blindly, Nick reached out to his former, and hopefully soon to be again lover. He needed the physical contact more than anything else right now. He needed to know that his nightmare at least was over, that he was safe with the only person he wanted to be with. But his hand was grabbed in the middle of it's motion and hold immobile. Hesitatingly, Nicholas opened his eyes. He feared that now would come the last blow, the last and ultimate rejection. Questioningly, his eyes meet the intense, yet no longer cold gaze of his father.  
  
"You have to promise me something before we continue, Nicholas. You have to promise me that you'll never ever question my love for you." Weak with relief, Nick nodded. "From the first moment that I laid eye on you, I fell in love with you. And this never cease, quite the opposite. It all but killed me when I discovered that you have at least succeeded in your quest. The thought that I'd lost you for good was more then I could endure ..." A smile spread over the ancient vampire's face, let his eyes gleaming, when Nick begun to struggle against the arm that prevented the much needed physically contact. "Slowly, mon cher. Only one more thing. Just to make sure that I'm not about to do the biggest mistake of my life: Are you really sure you want this, Nicholas?"  
  
"Please, LaCroix. Lucien. You know that I want it. I've waited already far too long for this moment."  
  
"Then so it should be." These were the last words spoken for a long time when the vampire rolled on top of him and begun to cover Nick's face with light kisses. Almost too slowly for the Crusader, his master reached his lips and teased them with his tongue, demanded admittance into the wet mouth. Something the younger man gave him only to gladly.  
  
An involuntary sigh escaped Nicholas by the delicious and unique, yet too long denied taste, that was LaCroix. He still bathed in the pleasure when to his disappointment his lover broke the contact and moved lower until he could reach the buttons of Nick's shirt and slowly started to unbutton it. A wave of pleasure broke over Nick when LaCroix begun to kiss inch after inch of the now exposed skin. His erection strained against his tight trouser, searched for a way out. Unwilling to wait any longer, Nick pulled his lover up, grabbed the front of the black shirt he was wearing and simple tore it apart.  
  
Carefully, he let his uninjured hand wander about the muscular chest above him, paying special attention to the nipples that soon stood up proud from the body, causing the vampire to groan in pleasure. Maddeningly slow, they continued their exploration of each other, learning each others body and reactions anew, letting the heat rise between them until nothing but each other seemed to exist in their universe. A tender touch on his face, and red glowing eyes where sign enough for Nicholas to turn his head aside, to allow his master free access to one of his most vulnerable body parts. A last passionate kiss was followed by the sudden, yet familiar sensation of a pair of fangs sinking into his neck to drain his blood. Nick's world exploded in a fireball when he, almost immediately, achieved his orgasm. He still flowed on the unimaginable sensation when the world around him turned black and death embraced him.  
  
Slowly he stood up from the sandy ground. The place wasn't unknown to him. Already he had been here. Not only once but twice. But this time there was no hesitation when he was asked to make the decision. With an apologizing smile towards his guide he went back to the soft voice that called him from far away.  
  
Instinctively, the newborn vampire grabbed the wrist from which the valuable life essence dropped into his mouth and bit into it. And like the first time he was overwhelmed by the images and emotions that streamed into him with every gulp he took. He experienced first hand the pain they had caused each other over the centuries, grief, loneliness, despair. But the most overwhelming emotion was love. A love that shined so bright that soon nothing of the disturbing emotions were left. And in this moment Nick knew for sure that he had reached the end of a journey that he'd started eight hundred years ago. He was finally home.  
  
Reluctantly, Nick began to withdraw his fangs when the worst hunger was stilled. In wonder he looked around, enjoyed the returning vampire senses with whom everything appeared so different. Then, slowly, almost as if he were afraid, he met the eyes of his master who watched him intently with an unspoken question in his eyes. With a wide smile Nicholas tore away the plaster from his now healed hand and opened his arms to embrace the ancient vampire while he willed his emotions, the love and peace he felt, to pour through their reformed bound that pulsated invisibly, yet to both of them very vivid, between them.  
  
Nick didn't know how long they had been locked in the embrace, happy that they were together at last, when a sudden bright light attracted their attention. Slowly, they stood up and went hand in hand to the window. The sky over Paris was lit with firework. Unaware to them a new year had begun. The smile that appeared on both of their faces reflected their thought that the coming new year would be one of the best.  
  
 **\--The End--**


End file.
